Ask avril
My name is Avril. The alias sprouted from a very silly night at a bar. The disguise is imperative as I would not *normally* give this information out for free under my real name. (I’m tempted to drop my venmo handle.) Incase you need to check my credentials? Fine… Here goes:
One-
Friends with benefits that have shown me what purgatory looks like.
Two-
Boyfriends (one was clinically unmedicated, the other… a lacrosse player. Pray 4 me).
Three-
Potential schemes that have actively turned me down to my face.
Four-
Athletes that I have made fall in love with me and then I ghosted. #GirlBoss
Seven-
GOD AWFUL “most compatibles we think you two should meet”s on Hinge. Why are they always SO. UGLY.
This might be the blind leading the blind, but at least there’s strength in numbers? Happy Valentine’s Day from the Coop.
DISCLAIMER: Avril is not a licensed professional in anything except being a baller. Please take her advice with a grain of salt. Be safe, break hearts, and do everything for the bit. You’re only going to be this hot once so let’s answer some of your questions.
Love,
Avril
Dear Avril,
How do I have the "what are we" conversation without asking what are we?
Love,
Can-deez
Can-deez,
Funny you ask. I was blessed with this very conversation the other day. Note to reader: the trail around the WA is not only great for cardiovascular health, but talking about your feelings. Mutually getting friendzoned as you walk up that one HUGE hill? Talk about heartwarming.
First, I'd ask myself, "what will I gain from this conversation?" In the long run, it will be more convenient to ask for the truth than be strung along in hopes of a different outcome/ avoid the conversation. In that case, it might save you emotional turmoil to have the conversation sooner rather than later. to have an honest and mature conversation, but in the long run, the truth might hurt your feelings (that's the kicker...). In my experience, the "what are we" conversation actualizes the seriousness of the conversation and takes away a lot of the fun. However, if time is ticking and the truth is what you really want out of the conversation, I'd say the best way is to, IN PERSON, have a sober conversation.
It's going to be a little awkward, but after you rip the bandaid off, respectfully articulate your feelings, and listen to the other parties, you can come to a conclusion. You also don't have to decide in one day based on the information you receive. It's totally acceptable to take time to process how you're feeling. So my best advice is: meet in person and be honest. You're only hurting yourself if you're being untruthful.
Good Luck Can-deez.
Love,
Avril
Dear Avril,
What's the best date to go on if you want it to end with sex?
Love,
Cuffed, and Clueless
Dear Cuffed and Clueless,
​
The classic "horny" date is to watch a movie. However, if you want to go "out" on a date, I'd recommend trying a new bar or going somewhere to dance. Outside ambiance can help you create good flirty vibes, especially if it's somewhere new for the both of you. Then you can feel more comfortable being flirtatious with one another as it's a completely new experience for both of you. Something new can also help you create a new memory that just you two share.
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Love,
Avril
Dear Avril,
How do I tell the person I'm getting with I don't like what they're doing in bed?
Love,
Sad Sexy
Dear Sad Sexy,
If it's a more casual hook up-, there's no harm in advocating for what you want… If hypothetically you might never see the person again, so you might as well get as close to satisfied as you can… hats off to you if they are good in bed (if you know what I mean). Additionally!!! In cisgender heterosexual relationships, I feel it's more frequent for women to compromise or seek to please the guy. However, in my experience, if it's a more long-term scheme to just suggest a way to make sex better. "It'd be so hot if you did this_____" or giving positive encouragement, "I love it when you_____" or "_____ feels really good." The best way to get what you want is to ask for it!
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Be Safe!
​
Love,
Avril
Dear Avril,
What do you do if your friends don't like your boyfriend?
I wish I had listened to my friends more regarding past boyfriends. Sometimes It's really hard to hear negative or constructive criticism when you're in love. While your friend's opinions aren't as important as yours, the people you surround yourself with represent your opinions and values. So odds are, if your friends don't really approve, they might not align with the values of your friends. Ultimately it's your decision, but it's easier to help gauge right from wrong with the help of those closest to you.
​
Love,
Avril
Dear Avril,
How do I let someone know I'm interested without making the first move?
Love,
Tatas
Dear Tatas,
​
This is a tough one. Usually, to give someone the hint in general you have to give them some indication you like them. This is especially true with guys, as they tend to be clueless. A great way to do this is to have a friend subtly hint to them about you and float the idea. If you don't have any mutual friends, this one is a little specific, but say you're at a bar, and the person you're interested in is hanging around. Grab a friend to go take a shot next to the person you're interested in, and you or your friend ask the person if they want to do a shot with you. If they say yes, it's an easy 'in' to make conversation... that's a backdoor way into the first move.
​
Love,
Avril
Dear Avril,
What do most girls not know about sex that they should know?
Love,
Sassy Serena
Hey Sassy Serena,
​
They should know that sex is not a performance on your behalf. You should be enjoying it as much as the other party. Consent can be given and taken away at any time while being intimate. It's also NOT weird if you advocate yourself, and you shouldn't be afraid to ask for what you want during sex. Also, sex isn't as "big" of a deal as everyone makes it out to be. It's a way to have fun with someone you hopefully trust. It should be fun. There's no need to put extra pressure on yourself or the action of sex just because, societally, it is taught that sex is shameful. Have fun, ask for consent, DON’T BE afraid to tell them where the clit is. You’re not a DJ board, babes.
Love,
Avril
Dear Avril,
My friend is cheating on her boyfriend and is scared to break up with him but NEEDS TO. How do I get her to end things with the dude she's literally cheating on?
Love,
Sillywill19
Hey Sillwilly19,
​
The best thing to do in this situation is to sit her down and talk to her. While it might be an uncomfortable conversation for the two of them, it will be better for both parties in the long run. Tell her to imagine being in his position. Wouldn't she rather be broken up with instead of cheated on for weeks? Rip the bandaid off. You can't always have your cake and eat it too.
I'd advise her that the most sustainable thing for their relationship would be to respectfully break it off. If I had to guess, the cheating is masking how she feels about her current boyfriend but is afraid to let him go. Have an honest conversation and stress how doing the hard thing will benefit her in the long run.
​
Love,
Avril
Dear Avril,
My friends are mad at me for starting to hook up with my ex, who broke my heart a few years ago, but I'm just having fun and don't plan on getting attached. Is this stupid of me, or am I just being an empowered hoe?
Love,
Mistake Maker
Mistake Maker,
​
Well, first of all, if you're calling yourself a 'mistake-maker,' that means that a part of you is acknowledging you are in the wrong OR easily influenced by other people. Also, I'm not one to blame regarding getting with your ex. Going back to the old fling is comfortable and easy. You don't have to put in as much effort, you already have a connection, and hopefully, the hookup is good. I think if you're in need of a hookup and won't get re-emotionally attached, it's fine. However, I wouldn’t make it a habit. When it becomes a recurring event, you'll likely steep back into old feelings and close yourself off from new opportunities. You might have to remind yourself why you broke up the first time. It all depends on your priorities. And remember, change is good!
Love,
Avril
Dear Avril,
I don't have the capability to feel emotions. Help.
Love,
Kamilla Kabello
Dear Kamilla Kabello,
​
As I am not a licensed professional who should be giving advice, I'd recommend seeking therapy. Duke Line is a free helpline where you can talk to peers about how you're feeling, or in this case, how you're not feeling. Additionally, in my experience, when I say that I have no emotions, it's because I stuff down my reactions or refuse to let them have air time/ process them. So, maybe being more in tune with how everyday interactions and stressors make you feel could be really healthy. Starting small could help you deal with more difficult emotions. I’d try journaling or writing down unsettling or happy things that happen to you in your day and week. When you become more cognizant of your daily life, emotions will be easier to pay attention to.
Love,
Avril
Dear Avril,
Someone said "no" when I asked if they wanted to get a drink at Shooters. How do I recover from this?
Love,
0 Rizz
Hey 0 Rizz,
​
Sometimes putting yourself out there can seem like a really big deal. However, it's not like you asked the person to marry you or they stood you up at the altar. However, this can be a good vibe check that 1) maybe the person was too intoxicated and didn't want another drink 2) maybe they weren't super into you. So while it sucks, you might just have to take the L. The right person will say yes to the drink.
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Love,
Avril