Faithfully Skeptical
By Carly Silverstein
I don’t think I believe in God. I would say I fully don’t, but a little voice in the back of my head nags, “but what if He does exist and you just doomed yourself by announcing your doubt?” I think there’s a possibility for anything, whether it be the Judeo-Christian God, Allah, Hindu gods, Karma, or other beings. Nothing can really be disproven. But what’s the point in believing or not?
I grew up Jewish. Like, really Jewish. I went to a small Jewish elementary school where I took Hebrew and Judaics (basically Torah study for children) classes, I went to synagogue on every holiday, all my friends were Jewish, and, most importantly, I believed in God. It was rare not to, given the environment; being taught the history of how God created the Earth and Adam and Eve, how God led Moses and the Israelites out of slavery, how God saved the Jews from being wiped out by Haman in Persia, how God sent a miracle to help the Jews rebuild their temple. But things started to change when we learned about the Holocaust. If the God who protected his people in those stories exists, why did He let six million Jews be murdered? Maybe it was a test, or maybe God did intervene, through the Allies. Either way, I became suspicious. I focused more on rationality, rooting myself in scientific data and parsimony.
But are science and religion mutually exclusive? The biggest conflict is evolution versus the Creation account. Surely evolution can’t have happened if God created everything in seven days. However, the Hebrew word “yom” can mean a day, a period of daylight, or even a general stretch of time. While the most common translation of the Torah has God creating the Earth in seven days, what if we translated it to mean seven periods of time? Evolution took millions of years, but the order of events more or less matches that of the Creation account.
People often deny evolution because they think it conflicts with the idea of a perfect God who creates perfect beings. But in that sense, was God really perfect in the first place? In scripture, He created a fallible Eve, a whole sinning civilization that apparently needed to be taken out by a giant flood (Noah’s Ark), and more imperfect creations. So a perfect God can be a constantly improving God, one whose creations evolve. It can all be part of “The Plan.”
My Bat Mitzvah in Israel
What bothers me is when one belief closes someone off to the possibility of others. Yes, I believe in science and evolution, but I accept that there could be other explanations. I accept that not everyone shares my beliefs. I’ve had multiple encounters with potential romantic partners that refused to pursue our relationship further because I don’t believe in God or because I’m not Christian. It goes both ways: I know Jews that will only date other Jews. I even know atheists that couldn’t see themselves with someone religious. All because of differing views. I understand wanting to marry someone that shares your religion, in terms of raising kids or relating to each other’s upbringing. But I would never cut myself off from forming a connection with someone,learning about their belief system and way of life. Maybe I’d find myself more spiritual, or maybe we’d both grow through healthy debate. One of those potential partners once explained his reasoning by claiming that people who believe in God will share their morals – and that nonbelievers would not. I don’t know if that’s a given. An atheist can live a moral life, while a devout Christian could be a sociopath. You never know.
In high school, I went through a rough time when my dad had brain surgery for a tumor, and my friend's dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I dealt with it through scientific explanations and statistics to make myself feel better about the odds. My friend at the time told me that I should turn to Jesus. This kind of frustrated me. She knew I was Jewish and that I didn’t believe in God. Turning to something I don’t feel connected to spiritually would not help my mental state, and I told her this. She told me, “Please just pray to Jesus. For me. I want to save your soul from going to Hell.”
Our Seder plate this Passover
That encounter really stuck with me because I realized how narrow her field of vision was. I think I probably could’ve given Jesus a shot, but I didn’t need that from my friend. I needed my friend to support my way of dealing with tough times and accept that my beliefs were equally as valid as hers. Just as I didn’t try to convince her that Hell isn’t real. Do I think she’s a bad person? Absolutely not. I understand her intentions were to help me in the only way she knew how. However, religious beliefs can certainly play a factor in some negative aspects of our society.
It’s undeniable that religious persecution is a problem. Too many people oppress, harass, or invalidate others because they insist their religion is the only correct one. Wars have, and still are, being fought over which God it actually is. If you strip down every religion to their core beliefs, what do you get? A set of morals to live by, a purpose for human existence, and a higher power. Why do we care so much about those details? Regardless of whether a higher power or the human imagination created the basis for a religion, each one began benevolently, with the intent to encourage people to do good in the world. In some cases, this essence is diminished. Religious texts are used to judge homosexuality, birth control, women’s rights, and more.
However, this is by no means a criticism against organized religion as a whole, only how some extremists use it. I trust that the core pillars that make religion beneficial still stand strong. Religion provides guidelines on how to live a moral life. When people follow it, more good is put into the world. Charities and support outreaches are often led by religious institutions. Further, as backwards as it may seem, the fear of punishment or judgment after death inspires people to live a moral life. Religion also offers people a sense or purpose, an explanation for why we’re here. Science appoints no meaning to life besides biological mutations. Similarly, an explanation to replace a fear of the unknown is a massive comfort. A community that shares your beliefs, that lets you know you’re not alone, is a massive comfort. While I’ve never been a particularly spiritual individual, I’ve had the Jewish community and its teachings as a constant in my life.
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My sister, Brooke, who of course had the same Jewish upbringing as myself, has recently experienced a spiritual awakening. Not in the sense of becoming a more religious Jew, though she asserts that “it would be silly to say that [her] upbringing has nothing to do with [her] spirituality.” She has turned to Vedic tradition, which is the ancestor of yoga, Buddhist, and Hindu teachings. Vedic tradition focuses on reconnecting to the truest essence of ourselves, which Brooke explains is “where divinity lies.” This can relate to the Western religions, in the sense that by connecting to ourselves, we connect to the “greater power” around us.
Brooke’s spirituality started from her devotion to studying yoga, embodying the first line of the yoga sutra which translates to, “the practice of yoga is now.” Her spirituality blossomed through a focus on what it means to be in the current moment. I have certainly watched her become more in charge of how she engages with her emotions, and she has generally become more content with what life brings her. What I find inspiring about Brooke’s spiritual journey is how she finds aspects of multiple teachings that speak to her in terms of how she can grow. Her sense of spirituality is continuously evolving, and that’s perfectly okay. She isn’t limited to one specific religion, she just trusts how she vibes with individual teachings.
At the end of the day, you can’t force anyone’s beliefs… including your own. I think it would be really cool if I believed in God or felt more spiritual like my sister. But I just don’t think I do. And there’s nothing really wrong with that. Or maybe the way I go about life is my spirituality in itself; a belief in the rational laws of nature, in how I engage with my emotions, and in how I see myself and my purpose placed in the cosmos.
Brooke getting her yoga teacher certification in Peru