a note to my future self (from the crowell bench)
By Annabel Miller
I’m at the end of the most academically challenging semester of my Duke experience. It’s a bit of a punch in the face, coming back from abroad to what feels like a neverending to-do list of homework, networking calls, internship applications, and the weight of figuring out what I’m going to do post-grad. It’s all part of being a Duke student, and I know I’m not alone in these worries. But, now more than ever, it’s important to find little ways to remind myself that it’s on me to make the most of my short time in college.
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At the end of my sophomore year, my friend Sylvia and I made a little note-to-self video to watch when we were back from abroad. The video was recorded sitting on the Crowell bench on West Campus, probably after coming back from a night out and grabbing Pitchforks. Reaching the halfway point of college had gotten to us, and in the video, we beg our future selves to remember to have fun and to make the most of Duke when we return to campus the following January. I repeat one of my favorite mantras — the work stretches to fit the time allotted – to justify the end of my sophomore year, which consisted of day trips to Eno River State Park and nightly trivia in Durham for a week straight. “It’s all the little, unexpected things,” Sylvia reminds our future selves.
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I had no recollection of the video’s existence, but Sylvia sent it to me in early January. I had just returned from Paris and felt a little suffocated by Duke; I missed the independence, the public transit, and the constant excitement of living in a new city. Returning to Durham felt like the past eight months of experiences outside the Duke bubble hadn’t happened. It felt like I had somehow regressed to a previous version of my life, and myself.
At this point in my Duke experience, new things rarely happen. That’s not to say I don’t have fun — but I eat the same lunches, see the same friends, and end up in Perkins every Sunday like clockwork. Of course, I could take more initiative to take advantage of all that Durham and the Triangle have to offer. However, coming off of eight months of living in two new cities, every day was filled with a new experience. I met new people regularly, went to different restaurants and stumbled into new parts of the city, and achieved a level of independence and security as an adult that I had never before thought possible. The prospect of going to the same party for the third year in a row where I talked to the same people I had the previous year felt like an erasure of the prior eight months of freedom.
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Somehow, I had anticipated my potential post-abroad crisis. For all I had matured in my eight months away from Duke, my sophomore self had seen what was to come and prepared well. The video, as unserious and giggle-filled as it is, fulfilled its purpose. Not only do we remind ourselves that college is short and precious, but we emphasize how lucky we are to be surrounded by everyone we love. College is conducive to spontaneity, silliness, and random run-ins that spark new friendships. Even when I’m not enjoying every second of it, even when my work is all-consuming or campus feels a little too small, I should appreciate Duke, and take advantage of the potential of every day to be somehow a little new.
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This semester, I have needed that regular reminder, and I think many of my friends have, too. Memories from college take up an outsized portion of my parents’ best stories and favorite moments. My mom often talks about weekly wine nights that often ended in throwing plates with the restaurant’s owner, or stress-cooking with her roommate to procrastinate studying; my dad fondly reflects on the house he lived in junior year with his eight roommates. That’s not to say that good things don’t come after college, but these few years, especially at Duke, are unique. This is the last time that all of my friends will be a five-minute walk away, that I can walk into any Durham restaurant and run into the one person I hoped I could avoid. I want to make the conscious choice to take advantage of all the things that I can enjoy only now and remind myself that my work will get done and I will figure it out. It has been easy to get wrapped up in looking forward, beyond college, and all the newness and excitement that will come with it. The sentiment from this video grounds me back into the moment: Duke is short and made special by the fact that people at this school really choose to buy in. I want to make the choice to buy in fully while I can, too.
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